If there’s one thing the average college kid with disposable income loves, its beer. Shortly after that, it’d probably be drugs. But in a very strong third place is video games, which is why Phroth is taking a look at some of the gaming world’s newest releases!

World of Warcraft: Life Ruiner Edition – Includes the original game, both of its expansions, and a one-year subscription. The game also comes with a girlfriend, a steady job, and an apartment, all of which you can neglect and lose when your life inevitably spirals out of control and you spend the rest of your days in your mom’s basement rep grinding and raiding until four in the morning.

Grand Theft Auto IV: Wanted Convict Edition – This special edition of the hit “average day in North Philly” simulator includes one of three super special murder weapons: a blood-stained baseball bat, a loaded revolver with a single missing bullet, or a recently used rocket-propelled grenade. You will also receive a warrant for your arrest, an automatic five-star rating, and the keys to a Blista Compact, which you can use to be chased and inevitably gunned down in.

The Sims 3: Forealz Edition – This bundle will nab you The Sims 3, forty new expansion packs that amount to nothing more than a new in-game hat and couch, and an actual human being who’s every need must be filled by you and you alone. Dress them for work, tell them when they can use the bathroom, and perform all the menial, meaningless tasks they apparently can’t do for themselves!

Madden NFL 10: Madden Forever Edition – Buys you a new version of the same exact game for the next ten years. Yes, you’ll get Madden 10 through 19 as well as a case of Natty Light, a bag of beer pong balls, and a bro who calls you a fag whenever you get beat online by some middle-schooler with the gamertag DarkDaze666.

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By Jeremy Popkin, Staff Writer