Special thanks go to Phroth writer Desmond Nathanson for creating 90% of this month’s list! Apparently everyone else is too busy this summer with their fancy internships and jobs and families to tirelessly search the internet for videos of adorable animals falling asleep, but at least Desmond has his priorities straight!

1. Former Silph Co. Employee Answers Your Questions

Finally, one of those bastards comes forward and admits their fuck-up in the Team Rocket debacle.

2. Cute Things Falling Asleep

Whenever your girlfriend is pissed at you, you show her this site. It will always make her feel good and forget what she’s angry about. And, unlike your girlfriend, this site is real.

3. Crab Revenge

Sweet Baby Jesus in the Manger, this may just take the cake for most WTF way to get back at a cheater. Seriously, we can’t think of anything more diabolical.

4.  Super Obama World

Mario and Obama collide in this startling criticism of the President’s refusal to properly reform princess kidnapping laws.

5. Fake Yo-Yo Trickster Fools TV Stations

This man has been hitting up Wisconsin news stations claiming to be a yo-yo champion, then about 30 seconds into the interview, can’t do a single trick. May this be a lesson to all you journalism majors: fact check that shit.

6. Todd Davis’ Social Security Number is 457-55-5462

What happens when a man publishes his social security number across the Internet? Everyone steals it. Thanks to us, you can too!

DISCLAIMER: Stealing someone’s social security number is illegal, so please don’t actually do it. Unless you’re in the Ukraine or something. No laws out there.

7. How to Make a Giant Kit-Kat

This is what happens when Oompa Loompas use performance-enhancing drugs.

8. Worst Wedding DJ Ever

What Phil Collins always had in mind when he wrote “In the Air Tonight”.

9.  Beer Olympics

WHY HAVE WE NOT HAD A BEER OLYMPICS YET?!

10.  Damage Plan’s Man’s Worst Enemy

“You Got Served” was nearly our favorite movie of all time, but it lacked one thing: a guy in a dog suit. Now if they just splice this clip into the movie, our lives will be complete.

WASHINGTON – President Barack H. Obama (the H. stands for HOPE) has reconstructed his Cabinet once again, but this time he used the help of the Home Depot and their American Woodmark Cabinetry Collection.

“I don’t want an aging antique Cabinet like Bush had,” said Obama. “I don’t feel the need for secretaries and departments. My Cabinet will be completely remodeled and different from the previous administration. I’m going to have a sturdy chestnut oak frame complimented by mosaic tile so every day is a fiesta.”

The newly remodeled Cabinet will have space for a microwave, a flat screen television, a playpen for the new puppy and a large compartment full of CHANGE!

“I’m sure the hard working folks at the Home Depot can make a Cabinet with room to fill all positions necessary,” said Obama. “I already have a Secretary of Interior Design picked out, so that’s a step in the right direction.”

The Cabinet was picked out last week and with Home Depot’s quick delivery promise, it should be shipped and in the Oval Office by Feb. 15 at the latest.

“I don’t think he knows what the Cabinet is,” said Chicago Home Depot employee Joe Billder.

“Michelle and I don’t want to spend too much money on the new Cabinet, but that’s something the Director of the Office of Management and Budget should deal with,” said Obama. “I don’t know about money matters.”

The Obama’s are now thinking about constructing a brand new presidential credenza, said CNN’s Wolf Blitzer.

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by Brandon Scott Wolf
Phroth Staff Writer