In honor of our 100^th anniversary (technically 101^st, but that’s beside the point), we’ve invited back some of our most successful alums (i.e. the ones who aren’t in prison) to put on a comedy show. The show will be at 8 p.m. April 24^th in the Pasquerilla Spiritual Center with comedians Jeff Rubin, Dan Hopper, Matt Little and Nate Kushner scheduled to perform. In the mean time, we’re anticipating their arrival by posting some of their finest Phroth work. Today’s entry is “Love blossoms on frat dance floor” written by former Phroth Head Writer and Current Executive Editor of Collegehumor.com, Jeff Rubin. This article serves as the first and last time anyone from Phroth has ever made fun of frats, so you better savor it. Without further ado, we now present you “Love blossoms on frat dance floor” in all its original glory:

Love blossoms on frat dance floor

“I knew it was love the second I felt his crotch grinding into my ass,” commented Lauren Keenan (junior – park management), “I didn’t even have to see his face. We just kept dancing to ‘Who Let the Dogs Out’ and barking and I knew this was the one.” Lauren is not alone. At State College, the place to meet dates is the beer stained dance floor.

Robin Mehler (sophomore – fashion design) had a similar experience Friday night. “I met Chet Davis on the dance floor and he was nothing but a perfect gentleman. He even invited me back to his room. It’s probably good too, I would have never remembered his name if he hadn’t mentioned it the next morning.”

But why this springtime romance year round in what seems like an overly crowded room?

“What we do is satisfy a demand,” commented Gamma Hoo Beta brother Jason ‘Keg Dog’ Sanders, “The demand for an atmosphere where you can meet and molest new people while getting smashed and yelling ‘hey must be the money!’”

Sanders had his own story of love to tell. “This one time me and my brother Ryan did a 9 foot beer bong. I don’t remember what happened after that, but I woke up with scratches all over my arms and my friends tell me and Ryan were dancing with this girl from Alpha Sigma Sigma. It was fucking AWESOME.”

Some have been more critical of the fraternity party system.

Unpopular freshman Adam Mendelson commented “I don’t get it. Guys don’t want to dance. They only do it because they are intoxicated and think it’ll give them a better chance at getting into some wrecked chicks $60 pair of Abercrombie ass pants. There has to be a better mating ritual then this. Don’t birds have some dance they do or something?” When asked what he thought about this Keg Dog replied “I AM SOOOOOOO FUCKING GONE RIGHT NOW!” and smashed an empty can of Milwaukee’s Best with his head.

“I wasn’t meeting any cute guys,” remarked Irene Mitchel (freshman – philosophy) while wearing a miniskirt in the snow “I had really low self esteem. Then my friends told me I just wasn’t drinking enough. They were right. Before I knew it I was waking up in more guys rooms then I could believe! And two of them were even frat guys!”

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Jeff Rubin (‘04) is currently the Executive Editor of Collegehumor.com and is one of the people responsible for this.

Last night when the College Humor Live show stopped by Penn State, Phroth past (Jeff Rubin, former Phrothie and current Managing Editor of CollegeHumor.com) met Phroth present (from left) Jen Reinheimer (Phroth Production Editor), Matt Powers (Phroth Head Writer), and Brandon Wolf (Phroth Phollegian Editor).

Hope you enjoyed your several-of-the-same new issue of Phroth, Jeff!

Let mirth prevail!