Starting next week, Comedy Central will bring political satire to prime time as “The Glenn Beck Show” will move from Fox News to fill Comedy Central’s 10 p.m. time slot.

To many, this move is long overdue as “The Glenn Beck Show” will fit in perfectly with Comedy Central’s “Daily Show” and “Colbert Report.” The move has come as a shock to many dimwitted Republicans who actually took “The Glenn Beck Show” seriously, though.

“I can’t believe I just spent the past five months organizing local farmers into a gorilla militia to fight Obama’s volunteers based on a show that turns out to be satire,” said Republican Randy Seers. “At least I know I can still use this group to help perfect Jews by converting them to Christianity. Thanks Ann Coulter!”

Beck admitted that he was shocked to find that so many people have mistaken his show for a serious news program, saying “I can’t believe people really thought that I would say such stupid shit if I were being serious. I mean, really, did they hear me compare Al Gore spreading awareness of global warming and Obama’s health care reform to the Holocaust? Did they hear me ask Muslim Congressman Keith Ellison to prove he’s not working with our enemies? How could anybody have thought I was serious?”

Beck was equally surprised to learn that all of Fox News Channel was supposed to be actual news.

“My agent tried to warn me and all, but after watching Fox News Channel for about five minutes, I didn’t see any way it could be serious,” said Beck. “I watched every show on that network and each show I watched further convinced me that it was satire. I can’t believe how much time I’ve wasted doing this brilliant satire without anyone realizing it was a joke.”

Beck is expected to occupy the ten 10 p.m. time slot for about seven months before taking the 11 p.m. to 12 a.m. slot from the clearly superior “Daily Show” and “Colbert Report” due to its ability to cater to old white Americans, a demographic which identifies with Beck’s biases and racism.

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By Mike Lewis, Staff Writer

1. The Eternal Moonwalk: A Tribute to Michael Jackson

eternalmoonwalk.com

Two things will never change: 1) People will always regard Michael Jackson as one of the best singers/dancers/performers of all time. 2) Those people will always suck at the moonwalk. The Eternal Moonwalk links together thousands of excruciating videos of amateurs having their go at the famous dance move and failing miserably (as seen above). There are also a shocking amount of videos of people doing the moonwalk with their cats.

2. Raisin Brahms

Not as good as Chopin Crunch, but still delicious.

Phrothie Says: The “Power of the Arts” also causes severe property damage and dangerous hormonal imbalance in children!

3. Don’t Even Reply

dontevenreply.com

Mike Partlow scours the want ads to provoke would-be-entrepreneurs into swearing at him. It’s very similar to watching a Fox News show, except that Partlow has a better grasp of the English language and understands context.

4. Got Six Weeks? Try the Hundred Push Ups Training Program

When Al Gore invented the internet in 1986, this is exactly what he intended it to be used for. Keep reading it here.

5. Blindfolded Nutshot

If this is fake, that kid deserves an Oscar for commitment to the video. Good god.

6. WE ARE. . . NUMBER ONE!

According to the Princeton Review, we’re the number one party school in the country, and drunk a good deal of the time in the State College area. Finally some respect.

Phrothie Says: This is actually the line for Sharkies.

7. PoorHorses.com

If you’ve ever seen a statue of a person on a horse in a park or outside a building (or anywhere, really) and wondered “what the hell was that sculptor thinking?” then this site is for you.

9. New Jersey Rabbis Busted in Money-Laundering Ring

We didn’t even read this article. The title and picture were enough for us. Looks like these rabbis were sick of their Catholic counterparts hogging the scandal spotlight.

Matt Radlow Says: My former Rabbi paid someone to kill his wife!

10. I Fucked Screech!

Read the steamy story here.
The most disturbing part: people are actually willing to fork over $10 for Screech’s autograph.

Phrothie Says: And the sex part. Also disturbing.

Bonus: From the Phroth Vault
Here’s a classic internet video that, much like herpes, we just keep seeing again and again.

He wrote it. He did it live. And the world hasn’t been the same.