1. Charlie Sheen
   1a. Charlie Sheen plays a character named Charlie who is based loosely on an actor named Charlie Sheen
2. The kid isn’t cute anymore was never cute.
3. It has a laugh track.
4. Megan Fox was a guest star.
5. It features hilarious, creative jokes like this
   Berta: (reading title of book) Cooking for Dummies.
   Charlie: No offense, Jake, I’m actually cooking for everybody.
6. Your dad undoubtedly likes it, which means he’ll force you to watch it and laugh at the jokes that make you cry on the inside.
7. The other guy, who isn’t Charlie Sheen.
8. More people watch it than watch your favorite show.
9. I’m never going to get those 13 minutes back.
10. I have to write about “Two and a Half Men,” for a Phroth blog. Why did this happen?

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By Rebecca Eisenberg, Matt Woodward, Brandon Scott Wolf, Matt Powers and Jeremy Popkin