Proper etiquette requires one too many things, like maintain eye contact, dress properly, and many other bullshit customs The Man made up to keep us down. But the most important thing you can do it avoid divulging too much information during a conversation. Here are a few handy examples to know when you might have gone too far.

Just Right: I would like to be excused.
TMI: I would like to be excused, so I can barf up this casserole you just made me eat.

Just Right: I saw Jupiter and Saturn align last night.
TMI: I saw Jupiter and Saturn align last night while I was disposing of a dead body.

Just Right: I’m glad Bernie Maddoff is in jail.
TMI: I’m glad Bernie Maddoff is in jail. Not because he scammed people out of $50 billion, because he’s a Jew.

Just Right: This coffee tastes great!
TMI: This coffee tastes great, and I like it when foreign objects are inserted into my anus!

Just Right: The Internet is a wonderful source of information.
TMI: The Internet is a wonderful source of information, especially if you want to find out more about cake farts.

Just Right: I think I’m going bald.
TMI: I think I’m going bald. There’s hair everywhere in my house. It falls out in clumps when I take a shower, and gets stuck in the drain. It’s all tangled up, and smells like feet and soap scum. I brought some with me. Here, have a whiff!

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By Matt Woodward, Blog Editor