So here we are on the fourth floor of Patterson enjoying one of Phroth’s most sacred rituals, production weekend. Actually, that’s probably not true. At this point, I feel like I’m working for PennDOT. Jen is busy working away while everybody else sits on his ass talking about baseball.
But look on the bright side. The Freshman Phollegian is almost finished, and soon all the freshman of Happy Valley will be smiling with joy as they discover a glorious Phollegian geared just for them. It will be just like Christmas. Actually, that gives me an idea. We should put up some stockings over the fireplace in Findlay commons, because that exists. And stuff them with Phroth paraphernalia like pens, jellybeans and condoms.
But enough about me rambling about stuff I’m never going to do. As it so happens, this is my first production weekend. Therefore, I’d like to take this chance to thank all the wonderful people at Phroth for finally telling my excuses to fuck themselves and getting me to actually contribute to this club. Ok Phroth, you win. Electrical engineering is in fact a joke major. Up until this point, it’s been a well-maintained lie amongst the college of engineering that engineering involves a ton of work. So the next Tuesday your nerdy roommate tries to drop the engineering excuse when he should be getting plastered, let him know that you’re in on his secret. He won’t know what hit him.
Right, back to production stuff. This special edition Phollegian has some pretty funny content. It’s so funny I was kind of hoping to be able to give a copy to my grandparents. Then Hal had to ruin everything by writing an article about masturbation. WAY TO GO HAL! Maybe I’ll just pull a US Air Force and take a black marker to all the “old people sensitive” information.
Seriously though, if you’re a freshman, read this once it shows up in your mailbox. It’s funny, and if you really like what you see maybe you can come write for us. If not, feel free to write for the Collegian.
Ok I’m hungry, which means I’m grumpy, so I’m ending this post.
By Ben Myers, Staff Writer