MILAN—Dahmier Bach, a French male model, was banished from the modeling community after he popped a boner during a show last Friday. He has not been seen since.
The incident occurred halfway through the show, when Bach stormed onto the runway, pursing the shit out of his lips and wearing a brown leather jacket and a blue Speedo. Once he reached the end, he stopped, posed, began to turn away, and then turned back. At which point, the erection emerged.
“It wasn’t his fault!” said Alice Shiver, Bach’s girlfriend of two years. “Rosie O’Donnell was in the front row.”
Shortly thereafter, he was gone.
“We haven’t seen him,” said Joseph Arnold, President of Runway to Nowhere, the modeling agency that represented Bach. “He’s a kid. He could be anywhere. Maybe he’s with Waldo.”
Bach was not the first model to mysteriously disappear after an untimely erection. It is believed Austria consists entirely of such people. And in the aftermath of yet another erection, the sanctions against them are expected to become even harder, including a new policy that requires modeling agencies to force their prospective clients through intense arousal examinations to prove they can walk the runway without incident.
“I just duct tape mine to my body,” said Don Khor, an underwear model for Calvin Klein. “That way if something goes on down there, it won’t stick out.”
By Ryan Chase, Staff Writer