Phroth Presents: A Furious Man Reviews Movies He Hasn’t Seen
Where the Wild Things Are: 1/10 stars
I completely hate this movie and all of the actors in it. I hate the director, the camera crew, the personal assistants, the families of the set designers, the focus group, the executive producer, and the key grip. Especially the key grip. What the hell is a key grip? What are you holding on to? God I hate you so much.
This movie ruined my favorite childhood story for me. And I hated childhood. I mean, this book was only ten sentences long and they go and make it into a movie somewhere in between 80-140 minutes? Ridiculous. And what was the deal with that kid? From the trailer, I gathered he was a little shit. And what about those big furry things? From a poster I saw on a bus stop, they seem pretty poorly done. I can only imagine how bad the soundtrack is. Who directed this piece of shit? I should really find out so I can send him some hate mail, if I can get around to it. I’m pretty up to my neck in my reviewing gig here. I mean what’s the deal with all of those scenes at the beginning? I didn’t see them, but I’m pretty sure if I did, I would have fucking hated them. And don’t get me started on all of those scenes in the middle. Just awful. Whoever directed this should have saved all of his non-viewers some time and just deleted them. And who voiced those silly animals? I didn’t get to hear any of them in the trailer, because some piss ant girl scouts rang my doorbell and I had to go explain to them how all of their badges and uniforms were knitted by girls just like them chained to sewing machines in Malaysia for no pay. By the time I got back, I missed the rest of the trailer, and I didn’t have that kind of time to watch it again. After all I am a film critic.
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By Matt Powers, Head Writer
· Tags: reviews, Where the Wild Things Are