It’s almost the best time of the year again. That’s right, it’s almost November 1st, the best walk of shame day of the year. There’s nothing better than watching a girl walk home at 1 p.m. with smeared make up, unkempt hair and wearing an angel costume.

That means Halloween is also close, which is pretty fun too, I guess. That also means that if you want to get falling down drunk on the 31st, you’re gonna have to wear a costume. Choosing a costume seems like a simple, unimportant thing to do, but you’d be wrong. It’s the most important fucking thing you’ll do in your entire life, so you better choose wisely. Fortunately Phroth is here to help you out.

The Joker- You’re unoriginal and even worse, a year behind on the trends. Suicide may be worth contemplating. This includes you, douchebag who still does this at the football games.

Dick-in-the-box- You waited until the last minute, didn’t buy a costume, found a box in your garbage, found some wrapping paper and strapped it around your waist. You’re lazy, but surprisingly resourceful.

Quail Man- The prime of your life came at the age of six. Every year of your life gets a little worse until you die overweight and alone. Also, you own white tighties. Homo!

Witch- What is this, third grade?

Ghost- What is this, kindergarten?

Sexy Nurse- You’re really attracted to sick people and probably already have a few STDs

Sexy Catholic School Girl- The fact that you where a school uniform signifies that you are the smartest of all the “sexy” outfits and your GPA of a 2.5 proves it.

Sexy Cat- While hot now, you will grow up to become an ugly, lonely, cat lady.

Sexy Bunny- You’re a whore.

Whore- You’re supposed to wear a costume.

Amazingly accurate Darth Vader costume- You clearly spent over a grand on that authentic costume. Here some more worthwhile things you could have bought:
-950 AMP energy drinks
-Most real estate in Missouri
-Four a Capella singers to follow you around for three hours and narrate your life through song
-A burning pile of one thousand one dollar bills.
-Anything else besides a Darth Vader costume

If you have the receipt, return the costume and get your money back. You may have to beg for you dignity.

Richard Nixon- The man has suffered enough. Leave him alone. He actually wasn’t that bad of a ….ah fuck it he was terrible.

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia- Holy shit where did you get that? Check to make sure you did not skin Antonin Scalia alive.

Phrothie the Jester- You’re classy, refined and have an excellent taste in literature.

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By Andrew Cass, Matt Powers, Hal Dworkin and Rebecca Eisenberg

· Tags: Antonin Scalia, costume, Darth Vader, halloween, Quail Man, Richard Nixon, sexy, The Joker, whore

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 27, 2009 at 12:17 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.