by Hal Dworkin
Phroth Staff Writer 

NANTUCKET, Ma – Sides came to blows Monday afternoon over disputed election results of the local cross-country running club iRan. Protesters claiming the presidential election was a fraud lined the lanes of the local track where the team practices, preventing other people from running. Officers of the club, which is sponsored by computer behemoth Apple, showed up to kick the protesters off the track but ended up kicking their asses. “After they refused to move we had no choice but to start using deadly force, lest their voices start being heard,” said an official iRan spokesperson.

The controversy started last week after the election for the club’s president between incumbent president Molly Aman and Harry Munster. Molly Aman is the hardline candidate who believes all the clubs members should always run in a straight line and as hard as they can. Harry Munster is the reformist candidate. He believes members of the club should pace themselves during long extended runs, as well as better relations with the United States. 

Aman declared herself the winner of a landslide election two minutes after the polls closed, claiming 18 votes out of 25, winning by 11 votes. Munster and his followers cried foul, claiming that the election was tampered with and demanded a new election take place.

Supreme Runner Alison Khan, the iRan member with more power than anyone in the club, supported Aman during the campaign and rejected the idea for a new election in a speech to iRan. She also went onto say that if that protests continue that Munster and his followers would be held responsible for what occurs next, which would be the prevention of other people from running, she clarified in a later statement.

Khan also has barred anyone in iRan from speaking to the media unless they are a club official and has restricted media access to the track where the club runs. However, Phroth has been able to gather information on what is happening in iRan through videos posted to Youtube and tweets posted to Twitter. “This is amazing! There are literally tens of us here in protest to this fraudulent election!” tweeted Runstar2009.

IloVeBAkedgOodS420, another twit, tweeted this message only five minutes ago, “So I, uh, like totally went down to the track today for some exercise, but there were these squares on track demonstrating about the Iranian election. Why the track man?”

Meanwhile, Munster has not been seen for several days. Some believe him to be dead, but his Facebook status currently reads, “Went to Miami to chill out for a while. HELLS YEAH!” Five people reportedly like this.

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Let mirth prevail!

Brandon Scott Wolf, Phroth’s next Phollegian Editor, is trying his hand at stand-up this summer and is working very hard towards getting a Stand-up Comedy internship with Rooftop Comedy.

So if you have a few free moments, please take the time to check out Brandon’s stand-up videos and if you have a few more free moments, rate them and help Brandon get that internship!

Also, some rouge Phrothies (led by the aforementioned Brandon Scott Wolf) have created an internet sketch comedy group called “Gay in the Elevator.” They put together very short (30 second) sketches featuring awkward moments, rampant gayness, and the occasional robot.

Check out the rest of their videos by clicking here and follow them on twitter by clicking here.

Help a Phrothie out and let mirth prevail!