Toilet Paper, Deadbolts; Semi-Colons. A Rant by Zach Weber.

I’ve had some free time lately and it got me thinking about a few things:

1.) Semi-colons have no place in the home keys.

We all know that QWERTY keyboards were created to slow down people when typing, for typewriters at the time, would not be able to handle how fast people can type. But, my question is, when creating this new QWERTY keyboard who decided that the semi colon has a place in it? It is important to learn to type with home keys for they make life simply easier, but how often are people using semi-colons? Is it really an essential key that must be included in the highest order of keys? Surely other letters, numbers, fuck even better symbols deserve a place there rather than that wanna be colon. There are, I am aware a lot of semi-colon whores (Matt Powers) but quite frankly, I think that if the semi-colon wasn’t located in the home keys, many, my friends, many people would cease to use it, and start back on the road to recovery.

2.) Does anyone only use 1 or so square of pre-cut toilet paper?

Seriously? I mean I will be very honest, and when I’m in the zone, there is no way one or two squares will suffice. Does anyone take one, then one and so on pieces of toilet paper? No, you just rip as much as you need. Whoever designed that toilet paper cutting guidelines needs to be fired. A more modern adaptation of the cutting lines are needed.

3.) Why do you have to turn the locks the opposite way to lock the door, on campus? 

I learned quickly that many things at PSU just don’t make sense, with locks being one of them. When I was an eager young freshman in Tener Hall, I put my key into the lock only to find that I had to turn the key left to unlock it. Although I finally got the hang of it, I would always come back to my room after a long night of eating ice cream and fail to open my door. I just don’t understand why the locks work in reverse of every other lock in known existence? Who is the evil mastermind that created these locks? The worst part is that there are a few locks on campus which work normally, so that just throws you off your game. In conclusion, please, whoever creates and manages PSU’s extensive deadbolt network, change the locks so they are normal. It’ll just make the world a better place.

So, take some time and think about these things…maybe they’ll piss you off too.

by Zach Weber, Advertising Manager