Why I’m Not Fit for a “Real” Relationship by Brandon Scott Wolf
Why I’m Not Fit for a “Real” Relationship
For the few of us at Phroth with actual relationship experience, *cough cough*, I’d like to voice a small opinion of mine that goes unsaid for most people in a floundering, mmmm… seafood, relationship.
Some like to exit a relationship in a graceful and friendly manner, but down deep, most want to not only break their partner’s heart, but get a cheap laugh while they’re at it.
Sometimes it’s not “tasteful” to voice your “true” opinion about someone, but other times a relationship just needs to end on a “high note.”
Now, if you really want to get lodged in someone’s krill (that sounds hot), take them by surprise and “Pearl Harbor” the shit out of them by dumping them with a “loving,” yet edgy dialogue at an unsuspected time (suitable times include Thanksgiving dinner in front of their family, Valentine’s Day or your wedding).
For instance, this dialogue is both wittier and more mentally scarring than the cleverness-lacking “It’s not you it’s me,” line because we all know it’s damn well you and not me causing problems:
You: Baby, you know I love you with ALL of my heart and ALL of my soul.
Girlfriend/Boyfriend: Aw, I love you too, [insert your name].
You: HA! HA! I have no heart and I have no soul!
Get up and run away.
If all goes well, you have successfully gotten out of another below par/”worthwhile” relationship. Kudos.
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by Brandon Scott Wolf
Phroth Staff Writer
· Tags: advice, dating, relationships