Chewbacca for President!
In honor of it being the day after the election, we here at Phroth have decided to get a head start on the election for 2012. Some people say Sarah Palin will be the new face of the republican party, but we think we have a better idea. So here’s our proposal for why Chewbacca, yes the big hairy guy from the Star Wars franchise, will make an excellent president in 2012.
1. Taxes
- Everybody knows that Chewbacca has a very lenient stance when it comes to taxes. You cannot find a more generous Wookie if you look for one. Everyone knows that during his time in the senate, Chewbacca voted 19 times against raising taxes. He understands the problems of everyday humans, and he wants to make it easier for the middle class to pay their bills. He also voted against tax decreases for Big Oil and The Empire.
- He also wants to create a bacon-tax rebate. Chewbacca wants to make bacon more available to every person in the United States. He cares very deeply about this subject, and has heard nothing from the other candidates about the lack of bacon this country is experiencing.
2. Experience
- Remember when Chewbacca piloted the Millennium Falcon out of harms way while Luke and Han fought off the Ti-fighters? That was sweet. Neither Barack Obama or John McCain have any experience in space, let alone warp speed. Chewbacca has also served as a senator from Ohio for over ten years, frequently reaching across the aisle to get solutions done.
3. The Economy
- No one has made more progress towards an economic plan that works than Chewbacca. During his younger years, Chewbacca attended Oxford where he received an undergraduate degree in Economics. He worked on Wall Street for several years before working as a financial advisor for Jesus, and everyone knows that Jesus doesn’t hire just anybody.
4. Global Warming
- Chewbacca understands the problems of global warming. Being covered with a thick layer of dog-like fur, he is the last person that wants it to be warmer outside. He will work hard to fix this problem.
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Written by Daniello Sepe, Phroth Distribution Chair and Staff Writer