1. Awkward Family Photos

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/

Just hope you don’t find your family on here…

Phrothie says: This page is DOMINATED by the Bonaduce family.

2. The Internet of the Future…From the Past!

Tom Brokaw breaks down the internet for a naive early 90’s audience. Why is it that what the internet could do in the 90’s is way cooler than what it can do now? Virtual shopping malls? Synching your watch with your computer? This is straight up Jetsons.

3. 30 Rock is a rip-off of the Muppet Show

http://bloglynch.blogspot.com/2009/06/3 … -show.html

In related news, Rock of Love is totally a rip-off of the Discovery Health Channel’s special on gonorrhea.

Phrothie says: Itchy!

4.  Soccer Fan Can’t Eat Ice Cream

Soccer Fan Can’t Eat Ice Cream – Watch more Funny Videos

He got fat by absorbing treats, not eating them.

Phrothie says: Calories by osmosis!

5. Girl Takes Soft Ball to the Face

(closest pic we could find)

http://www.ejb.com/video/20604/Softball_vs_face.html

Made hilarious by the sound effect.

6. Website Story

College Humor presents a musical about the Internet!

7. Voices That Care

A benefit song from the first Gulf War the makes “We Are the World” look like “Don’t They Know it’s Christmas?” The song includes such megastars as Celine Dion, Michael Bolton, the Nelson Twins, Kenny G, Will Smith, Gary Busey and Fred Savage singing in beautiful, glorious harmony (except for Will Smith; he raps for some reason). It’s like the ’27 Yankees of music if the ’27 Yankees were a group of talentless hacks who were inconceivably popular in 1991.

8. Web Soup on G4

http://www.g4tv.com/websoup/

Okay, this isn’t something we’re making fun of here. This is the latest and funniest Soup spinoff so far (beating out Sports Soup and The Dish) which stars Chris Hardwick (www.nerdist.com) and makes fun of some of the best and worst viral videos out there on the interwebz. It might not be The Soup but it’s definitely worth checking out.

9. Conan Deceives Old People, Hilarity Ensues

Conan goes undercover to see what old people think of his show. What follows is a solid eight minutes of old people calling Conan a sexual deviant.

10. I Park Like an Idiot

http://www.iparklikeanidiot.com/

If you’re sick of jackasses who take up two parking spaces with their gas-guzzling SUVs, morons who park diagonally across multiple spaces, jerks who park halfway onto your brand new boat, or assholes who crash through your backyard fence to park on your property, then this site is for you.

Phrothie Says: In the state of New Jersey, this site is accessed simply with the url “ipark.com”

Stay tuned for funny July things!

by Hal Dworkin
Phroth Staff Writer 

NANTUCKET, Ma – Sides came to blows Monday afternoon over disputed election results of the local cross-country running club iRan. Protesters claiming the presidential election was a fraud lined the lanes of the local track where the team practices, preventing other people from running. Officers of the club, which is sponsored by computer behemoth Apple, showed up to kick the protesters off the track but ended up kicking their asses. “After they refused to move we had no choice but to start using deadly force, lest their voices start being heard,” said an official iRan spokesperson.

The controversy started last week after the election for the club’s president between incumbent president Molly Aman and Harry Munster. Molly Aman is the hardline candidate who believes all the clubs members should always run in a straight line and as hard as they can. Harry Munster is the reformist candidate. He believes members of the club should pace themselves during long extended runs, as well as better relations with the United States. 

Aman declared herself the winner of a landslide election two minutes after the polls closed, claiming 18 votes out of 25, winning by 11 votes. Munster and his followers cried foul, claiming that the election was tampered with and demanded a new election take place.

Supreme Runner Alison Khan, the iRan member with more power than anyone in the club, supported Aman during the campaign and rejected the idea for a new election in a speech to iRan. She also went onto say that if that protests continue that Munster and his followers would be held responsible for what occurs next, which would be the prevention of other people from running, she clarified in a later statement.

Khan also has barred anyone in iRan from speaking to the media unless they are a club official and has restricted media access to the track where the club runs. However, Phroth has been able to gather information on what is happening in iRan through videos posted to Youtube and tweets posted to Twitter. “This is amazing! There are literally tens of us here in protest to this fraudulent election!” tweeted Runstar2009.

IloVeBAkedgOodS420, another twit, tweeted this message only five minutes ago, “So I, uh, like totally went down to the track today for some exercise, but there were these squares on track demonstrating about the Iranian election. Why the track man?”

Meanwhile, Munster has not been seen for several days. Some believe him to be dead, but his Facebook status currently reads, “Went to Miami to chill out for a while. HELLS YEAH!” Five people reportedly like this.

Phroth.com now offers Phroth-themed buddy icons!
To use these buddy icons, first save them to your desktop or a folder on your computer and then upload them into your chosen IM client/blog.

50×50 pixels:
   

75×75 pixels:
   

Check them out along with some cool Phroth wallpapers @www.phroth.com/media/

Let mirth prevail!

Brandon Scott Wolf, Phroth’s next Phollegian Editor, is trying his hand at stand-up this summer and is working very hard towards getting a Stand-up Comedy internship with Rooftop Comedy.

So if you have a few free moments, please take the time to check out Brandon’s stand-up videos and if you have a few more free moments, rate them and help Brandon get that internship!

Also, some rouge Phrothies (led by the aforementioned Brandon Scott Wolf) have created an internet sketch comedy group called “Gay in the Elevator.” They put together very short (30 second) sketches featuring awkward moments, rampant gayness, and the occasional robot.

Check out the rest of their videos by clicking here and follow them on twitter by clicking here.

Help a Phrothie out and let mirth prevail!

1. Popeye’s runs out of chicken

Popeyes ran out of fried chicken when they were having a special and alot of the customers were clucking pissed.

2. Woman blasts off boyfriend’s penis with firecrackers

“A Russian woman got so upset by the news that her boyfriend intended to leave her that she tied several firecrackers to his penis and exploded them, the Life.ru web-site reports.” (source)

Phrothie says: Like Lorena Bobbitt, but with firecrackers!

3. KANYEFY!!!
http://fffff.at/kanye-vision-bookmarklet/

View the internet the way Kanye sees it! Because, well…why the hell not?

Also, you can Kanyefy the type on any webpage. The more times you press the button, the more exclamation points there are!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Similar websites: Cornify & Bacolicio.us

4. Motherlover 

For Mother’s Day this year Andy Samburg teamed back up with Justin Timberlake for a follow-up to DIck in a Box where they sing about fucking each other’s mothers for Mother’s Day. Enough said.

Side note: Hulu flaged this as having mature content so unless you want to view the censored (aka lame) version you are going to need a Hulu account because the video is not on youtube.

(view the censored version here)

5. Carlos Zambrano Loses His Shit
 
View the video here: http://mlb.mlb.com/media/video.jsp?content_id=4756801

Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrao gets all handsy with the home plate umpire after Pirates player Nyjer Morgan is called safe at the plate in a May 27th game. It was a rough day for Zambrano: He didn’t tag the runner in time, his attempt to throw the ball angrily into the stands came up short, and he didn’t get to completely destroy the Gatorade dispenser in the dugout he so loathes. This is important for two reasons: 1)It is the first time a player has ever attempted to throw an umpire out of a game, and 2) It is the first time a Pittsburgh Pirate player has beaten a throw to the plate since the mid eighties.

6. 10 Ridiculous Anti-Pornography Commericals
 

To see the rest of the videos: http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/10-ridic … ommercials

Phrothie says: The second best use of the internet (next to porn).

7. Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus
 

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus is this summer’s Snakes on a Plane. Starring ex-pop star Deborah Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas, this equisite gem of a film tells the story of two giant prehistoric beasts, released from the ice prison which froze them mid-battle millions of years earlier. Upon their release, the Mega Shark and Giant Octopus begin attacking everything man-made from airplanes to bridges to battleships (Why? Because it’s part of their natural instinct, DUH!). What makes this movie so hilariously awesome isn’t the poor attempt at CGI or the lack of effort behind the script…it’s being able to see these actors struggling to do their god damn jobs. Also, the dismal treatment of the scientific process is uniquely guffaw-worthy (it involves multi colored liquids and making out in a janitorial closet).

Phrothie says: Watch it with a finger on the fast foward button or with a BAC of at least point-oh-five. 

8. Ohio man arrested for mowing unkempt grass at park

“City Manager Matt Kline called the arrest unfortunate and said he understands Hamilton’s frustration. Kline said budget cuts have left Sandusky understaffed for seasonal maintenance work.” (source)

This is real. We swear. It’s not The Onion, it’s not Phroth, it’s some douchetool in Ohio who really loves his neighborhood park.

We can imagine the tough prison talk now:
Prisoner 1: What you in for?
Prisoner 2: I stabbed a little girl to death. You?
Prisoner 1: I robbed a bank and killed two cops before they took me down. Hey, what you in for skinny?
Ohio douchetool: I trimmed the lawn at my local park.
Prisoner 2: Rape him. 
*inaudible screams*

——
Compiled by members of Phroth. Let mirth prevail! 

Republican members of the Senate have been viewing the Supreme Court confirmation hearings of Sonia Sotomayor as a chance to reestablish the rich white base of the party through racism. Sotomayor is a Hispanic woman who was nominated to the high court by President Obama earlier this week.

“This is exactly what the GOP needs right now,” Republican junior senator from Kansas Bernard Johnson said. “We’ve lost the White House, Congress, and really our identity. We’re Republicans. Racism is really what we do best. This will bring the party together.”

“It will be more passive aggressive if anything,” Wyoming Senator James Huntington explained. “We’ll probably mispronounce her name, not really listen to her answers, and insinuate that she’s un-American because she’s not white. I’m really looking forward to it.”

Despite the importance of the Hispanic vote, the fastest increasing population in the United States, Republican strategist John Lodge is unconcerned about alienating this voting demographic during the hearings.

“We stopped paying attention to election results in the 70’s,” Lodge said. “Yeah it’s great if we win one, but here at the GOP we’ve always been more comfortable with shadow government run by scared wealthy white men that is unaccountable to the people. It’s what the founding fathers wanted”

Senator Bernard said that he didn’t want to “give anything away,” but he is cooking up an oblique comparison between Sotomayor and illegal immigrants that he may sneak in to one of his questions. As Bernard explains, “Look, we have Mike Steele, a black man, as the head of our party. Us! Republicans! A minority leader! We’ve earned this.”

————–
by Matt Powers, Head Writer

by Matt Powers, Phroth Head Writer

Look get over it. You have swine flu. Time to move on with what’s left of your life. If you lived in Mexico you would have been dead days ago, but because you live in America, you are going have to deal with this. Out of the goodness of my heart and in accordance with my court ordered community service, I have hastily compiled the following list as things you can do to help get through your bout of swine flu:

1. Lick a Mongoose: I did some quick research on how you get swine flu and apparently you get it from licking pigs. So first of all, shame on you. The same website also said that mongooses have chemicals on their skin that can counteract the active agent in swine flu. So get one of those furry bastards, buy it a nice dinner, and go to town.

2. Lick a Wombat: This isn’t to help with swine flu but rather because you are so soul crushingly alone that you probably have to lick animals to find some semblance of companionship.

3. Don’t Eat at Taco Bell: Look, you already have swine flu. You don’t want Ebola, e. coli, SARS, Gonorrhea, congestive heart failure, and scurvy too.

4. Also, Don’t Eat at Long John Silvers: Trust me. Just trust me.

5. Why don’t you trust me anymore? What happened to you? What happened to us?

6. Go to a Swine Flu Support Group: It can be good to tell other people about how the swine flu has affected you and the ones closest to you. In a related note, stop coughing on your family dammit. Just so you don’t get a big shock when you check out the support group, here is a preview of everyone who will be there:

a. The Sniffler: This is the person who woke up with a sore throat, turned on CNN, and immediately called her physician to take every imaginable test known to man. If you want to get rid of this person, just ask her if she has her last will and testament in order.

b. Grizzled Old Sea Captain: This person has had every damn disease under the sun. He
had Malaysian Goat Flu when all of you was nothing. This guy can be seen smoking cigarettes in the corner and occasionally says, “You think you’ve got something bad? I’ll tell about something bad. . .” and then goes into an uncomfortably graphic story of a passionate night with a Eritrea prostitute. 

c. The Alcoholic: This person is in the wrong meeting, but is too gone to notice, and no one really wants to touch him to wake him up. 

d. Your Dad: Remember when you thought he got more iced tea than you at Applebees and you drank from his glass when he went to the bathroom? Bam. Swine flu. Also, if you haven’t figured this one out yet, you should probably car pool.

7. Go to Your Local Playground: The laughter of children just might cure you in a heartwarming tale of the triumph of the human spirit.

8. Get an Attorney: The pedophilia charges are coming fast and heavy for number 7. 

9. Hey I’m sorry about number 5. That just came out. That was raw. This isn’t the time or the place. And I apologize.

10. (If time permits) Go to a Hospital: If you’re not dead after completing this list, check out your closest Emergency Room. You are dying from a scary illness.

Well there it is. Now you have the tools to live with your crippling disease. Now quit your (s)whining.

There are 6 new PHROTH wallpapers available for download on our media page. Get yours today!

Let mirth prevail!

WEST CHESTER, Pa. – Singer songwriter Asher Roth, best known for his single, I Love College, has taken his newfound success from his debut album, Asleep in the Bread Aisle, to new heights. Roth has just finished his follow up (and soon-to-be hit) single, I’m Okay with Grad School, which will be released with his new album,Waking up in a Hospital Ward.

The man who once sang, “I wanna go to college for the rest of my life,” is apparently set on that depressing Van Wilder-esque path. 

Roth, a former West Chester University undergrad, released the new hit to coincide with his acceptance to the university’s grad school program.

Roth boasts throughout his new recording that higher education is mad fulfilling. Lyrics include, “I get up at eight and proctor tests, I help kids during office hours, and I’m okay with grad school.”

His nonthreatening, less psychotic, whitey rap has been compared to Eminem, but Roth has said, “Em is dope and all, but after four years of college, I have matured and want to take up a career in elementary school education.”

I Love College was Roth’s first highly acclaimed single aimed toward freshmen in college, but I’m Okay with Grad School is aimed toward a less stupid audience. 

“I’ve turned a new leaf. I don’t want to party in fraternities with half naked bitties and the elderly,” said Roth. “My parents aren’t paying to put me through grad school to be an overly white douchetool. I’m here to show people how to have a good time while grading papers and wearing V-neck sweaters.”

The I’m Okay with Grad School music video was taped in the WCU library and focuses on Roth filling paperwork, enjoying thick reads and telling that loud kid on the phone to, “please shush, please shush, silence is appreciated, silence is appreciated, thank you, thank you.”

“When I woke up next to a human-sized turtle mascot with his finger in my shoot is when I decided I needed to clean up my act,” said Roth. “I have TA responsibilities now.”

Roth is currently writing his thesis on white people breaking into an industry where they don’t belong.

——
by Brandon Scott Wolf, Phroth Staff Writer/Phollegian Editor